Keeping A Grudge Just In Case Of What?
Empty nesters already have a lot on their plate. So the last thing they should do is carry extra emotional baggage. It is always best to rid yourself of grudges and resentment because it can hurt you more than the other person. This article discusses how keeping a grudge hurts because it is an additional emotional weight.
Too Much Unnecessary Stuff
I remember how I used to over-pack when traveling in my 20s. Subsequently, my friends would always say, “Wow, Denise. You packed so much stuff!” Back then, I struggled through many busy airports carrying too much luggage. However, I wanted to make sure I had enough of everything. But in case of what? I still don’t know the answer to that question.
Ironically, I needed less than half of the things I had packed each time. Likewise, holding on to grudges is like carrying an emotional weight you don’t need. Below you will find some points worth considering. I hope they are helpful.
1. You Think You Are Powerful When You Are Not
The worst way keeping a grudge hurts you is that it deceives you into thinking that you are powerful because you have something useful for a later time. You’ve been keeping something in your “back pocket” for a long minute, but don’t deceive yourself. You are not powerful because you are holding some secret weapon for the perfect “just in case” moment to pull out to hurt someone. What is empowering about that? On the contrary, that is a weak posture to take in life. It is not a power move.
A Grudge Is A Like A Cruel Task Master
Like being under the oppression of a cruel enslaver, you are in bondage, my friend. Being tied to a “wait until I get them” attitude is a weak premise, at best. It is one of the most disempowering positions of all.
The Weight Of A Grudge
Some years ago, I spoke with someone about a grudge she had been carrying. As we discussed the situation, her exact words were, “I’m keeping this one in my back pocket for later. I’m going to get them”. Sadly, she became ill and died with that grudge still in her back pocket.
Please don’t let that happen to you. At best, nursing a grudge can only give you a false sense of security, as it did for that individual. If you have a grievance, find a way to rid yourself of it.
2. Offer An Olive Branch
Over many years the olive branch has become the accepted symbol for making peace following a conflict. This principle is relevant to anyone who wants inner peace. Numerous times, I had to extend an olive branch, though I don’t always feel like humbling myself in that way. Still, at the risk of sounding selfish, I have found that it works best for me.
Cracks In The Walls
Granted, sometimes, the other party already had long-standing insecurities about deeper issues and found it convenient to tag me as the offender. Still, it is always a good thing to try to repair cracks in relationships wherever possible. It makes no sense to allow stupid pride to keep you holding on to foolishness. That aside, people’s long-standing insecurities are a different topic for another day.
People Choose To Stay Angry
A few times, I’ve attempted to encourage relational healing between people and had stones thrown at me! LOL. I am aware that sometimes no matter how often we extend an olive branch in some personal and professional relationships, people often choose to keep incubating their grudge. But that’s on them, not you.
Walk Away In Peace
In that case, we can walk away in peace, knowing that our back pockets are empty and we aren’t carrying extra emotional weight about anything.
Furthermore, grown people decide if they want to let foolishness weigh them down. All we can do is ensure we aren’t guilty of doing the same.
3. A Grudge, Science, and The Bible
Many scientific studies have shown a strong link between holding a grudge and illness. In addition, a verse in the bible tells us to “lay aside every weight, and the sin which easily besets us.” But one does not have to believe a holy book to suffer from the weight of a grudge. They don’t even have to think that there is a God to benefit from keeping their back pockets empty!
A High Physical And Emotional Cost
A grudge is a hefty weight that will only keep you slumped over in life, and you need to ask if that is what you want for your life. It can attack your mind, body, and soul. Consequently, because it deepens the roots of bitterness, it can contribute to high blood pressure, stomach problems, cancer, and many emotional issues.
Festering Resentment
We all know that one day we will die of something, but it is awful to part this life with a festering resentment against someone for any reason. That is not to say that we don’t have valid reasons to feel resentment at any given time. It is a natural part of the human experience.
Gift Yourself Inner Peace
My point is that while we are still alive, it is in our best interest to excise those damaging attitudes from our mental spaces. Whether you do it through prayer, confession, or writing, I cannot tell you what works best for you. However, if any of this applies to you, then it is time for you to empty your back pockets. You deserve the gift of inner peace.
4. Bitterness Will Throw Your Life Out of Alignment
One doctor says that a man sitting with a wallet in his back pocket can throw his spine out of proper alignment over time. Similarly, sitting on old grudges can throw your entire life out of alignment! Why move through life out of alignment with your higher self?
Possibly, It Is Best Not to Reconcile
On the contrary, there will be situations where reconciling won’t be the best option for you. Be that as it may, never sacrifice peace of mind to keep your back pockets full.
I have had a few of those situations in my life, and I am more than glad not to reconcile with certain people. But I also hold no grudges against them. Again, I prefer to travel without the extra emotional weight.
Just For Meanness
My parents used to have a saying, “Just for meanness.” It is easy to talk about the “Adolph Hitlers” of the world because it allows you to feel justified and even self-righteous. Now, let me ask you, who are you still taking digs at, just for meanness?
After all, you may reason I have never tried to kill anybody. Hmm….Are you sure about that? You know you are not mentally free. Plus, you may be slowly killing yourself.
Why You Shouldn’t Keep A Wallet In Your Back Pocket
What’s In Your Emotional Wallet?
I just read the article, Wallet Woes: Why You Shouldn’t Keep Your Wallet In Your Back Pocket. In it, Dr. Brad Adams says a person should never sit for more than 15 minutes with something in their back pocket, or it could cause many physical problems. Sadly, I know people who have been sitting on emotional wallets for more than 15 years! Imagine all those ailments in the dynamic form!
5. God Don’t Like Ugly
I recall one day when my children were little, and we rode in the car with my brother. I don’t remember exactly what my children said to each other, but I do recall that my brother turned around and said to them, “Alright now. Don’t be ugly.” LOL! I was glad their uncle was on the same page as me because I never allowed my children to “be ugly” with each other.
You Might Be Calling It Something Else
Are you being ugly to someone just for meanness? You might be surprised at some of the mean things you have been doing. But you might be calling it something else. Before you rush to answer the question, take some time to run your answers through an honest sieve.
6. Your Foolishness Could Ruin Things For Others
Years ago, I saw a YouTube video of two 73-year men at an event to get honored for their football careers. Instead of that happening, they got into a physical fight on stage, with one of them popping the other with his walking cane. You will shake your head when I tell you why they were beefing. Both men were still stewing about a college football game that had taken place 50 years earlier!
Now The Whole World Knows About Their Foolishness
They had lived out of alignment with their higher selves for all those years. To the outside world, their lives may have looked impressive. Yet, the video shows otherwise. Each man held a grudge against the other and ruined the luncheon for everyone else.
I cannot imagine how embarrassed their families must have been. No doubt, some in the audience weren’t even born when that football game took place, yet their afternoon was ruined, too. I ask you not to allow your grudge to ruin things for people who have nothing to do with your foolish pettiness.
Silly Old Men. Fighting Like Pre-schoolers
7. You Will Miss Out On Your Own Life
It’s crazy to wait for someone to slip up so that you can publicly embarrass them. Let me ask you this? Who is living your life while you are keeping tabs on someone else’s life in anticipation of the perfect moment to knock them down as if it were a game of Dominoes?
Quality Matters
What is the quality of your life? Imagine using your walking stick years later in a fight with someone who had annoyed you many years prior. You might not believe it, but if you are carrying a grudge, you are already fighting with them in your mind, no matter what your life looks like on the outside. Is that what you want? That is a lot of damaging emotional luggage to carry around.
8. The Big Payback Doesn’t Pay
I often get in the mood for old-school music. One day, I put on a music streaming station, and The Big Payback, by James Brown, came on. That was one of the many hit songs I grew up hearing in the 70s. I always loved the song’s beat, but until recently, I had never really paid attention to all the lyrics! I only knew the hook.
Ever Been Betrayed By a Friend?
In the song, his friend betrayed him when he got involved with his girlfriend. So, he told his friend, “You sold me out for chicken change.” LOL! That line is HILARIOUS! Why had I not paid attention to that before?
All jokes aside, James told the guy that he was determined to get “revenge.” And because he repeated that line many times, I only heard those lyrics. Also, I was too busy dancing to the beat to pay attention to all the words!
9. Keeps You From Collaborating With Wrongdoing
I don’t bother to try to hurt people who have hurt me. Nor will I ever collaborate with someone who wants to hurt someone who has hurt me. Instead, I move on peacefully and use my time to find ways to strengthen my sense of self.
Getting Revenge Will Bite You in the Butt
When you hold a grudge, it is easy to collaborate when someone comes to you with a scheme to hurt the person who hurt you. Well, you better think twice about collaborating with wrongdoing because it might bite you in the butt. Besides, all you will get back is a little “chicken change.”
Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.
– The Bible, New International Version
In closing, empty nesters, we have so many things we are trying to adjust to in this season of our lives. So, if you are aware of any grudges you are holding, I encourage you to deal with them immediately by emptying your back pockets. You will need as much positive energy as possible to help foster your healing. So, don’t be like the two old fools beating each other with canes fifty years after some trivial offense. Let that stuff go.
Feel free to share your thoughts and insights in the comment section below!
Related: Is It Too Late To Apologize?
