Empty Nesters Have a Tough Time With Social Engagement
Social anxiety is tricky to address. But if I am going to help you overcome social anxiety as an empty nester in this post-pandemic time, I must talk about it. This article discusses strategies to help empty nesters suffering from social anxiety.
The World is Different Post-Pandemic
I have never had social anxiety about anything before becoming an empty nester. But the truth is, everything is different now. People are different. The world has operated differently since Covid-19, and we are all trying to figure out a way to get back to normal. Empty-nesters have an even harder time with post-pandemic emotional trauma for reasons I will share later. Still, we have to find ways to become engaged again. Our children can no longer help us connect with people, so we have to do it ourselves.
With Everything Going On, I Get It
Add to all the emotional stress that comes with Empty Nest Syndrome, a consistent string of mass shootings, the Pandemic, crazy weather patterns, and so much more. Anyone with a heart can understand why an empty nester would struggle to overcome social anxiety. But you can succeed by taking it one day and even one minute at a time. Let’s talk about it.
1. Get Out There Even When It’s Hard To Trust
There are no more soccer tournaments, basketball, and baseball summer leagues. There are no more dance class recitals and piano recitals. All those children are grown and scattered all over the country and the world now. So, what do you do when you no longer have those activities to keep you connected with others and have trust issues?
Learning To Trust Again Takes Time
Trust was a normal part of the shared experiences of our children’s extra-curricular activities with other families. We trusted the other moms and dads. We trusted our children’s peers, but things are different now. As empty nesters, we must be more deliberate and put ourselves out there even when it’s hard to trust people.
The Empty Nest Syndrome Can Leave You Stunned
As empty nesters, we must find ways to connect with people other than our children because they are busy building new friendships and partnerships outside of us, as they should be. That has been a tough one for me for so many years, it was only my children and me, and I poured everything I had into them.
When Reality Hits
But when they grew up and left home, even as I raised them to do, I was stunned by the reality that I was alone, and they were so far away. Mind you, I encouraged them to travel nationally and globally and all. But I learned that I wasn’t prepared for when it would happen permanently.
I Would Not Have Changed Anything
Thinking back, would I have done things differently had I known the impact ENS would have on me? Probably not, because the best thing I did for my children was teaching them to follow their dreams and be independent and good people.
2. The Only Way To Know Is If You Go
I met a woman who initially seemed like a good prospect for a new friendship since I no longer live near my closest friends. But within a few hours, I knew I didn’t want that kind of friend because she was pushy the entire time. Life taught me that when someone goes into overdrive to try to befriend you, it’s a good indication that you should pull back without apology. But the only way you will know if certain relationships are for you is to take chances and socialize.
3. No Need To Freak Out But Have a Plan
Before I left home, I had a plan. First, I would drive myself to the winery and the restaurant. (I like to be able to go when I want to). Secondly, I planned to enjoy myself, honor my intuition, and respect my boundaries. And good thing I already had those goals set because twice she asked me to leave my car at the winery and ride with her to the restaurant.
Keep Your Antenna Up
When someone pushes against your boundaries, put your antenna up. You don’t need their friendship that badly. Or do you? Anyway, while we waited for our food, she slid her work ID across the table to show me where she worked. Interestingly, she already told me where she worked, but I guess she thought showing me her ID would impress me because I didn’t do somersaults about it. I am not sure what her issue was, but it was clear that this woman was trying to get me to trust her—another red flag. But I did not freak out. I just stuck with my plan.
4. Beware of Overbearing People.
But the problem reared its ugly head for the last time when she tried to coerce me to go to a symphony concert with her the following week, even after I expressed having another commitment planned on that day. This lady went into a speech about how she had already bought two tickets and said, “You are going with me.” Honey, I got into my car and drove off! I love the symphony, but this person didn’t want to take no for an answer.
Stick To Your Guns
Consequently, I ignored every phone call and text message from her. Eventually, she got the message and went away for good. Again, before you start engaging with people again, have a plan and honor your intuition.
5. Get Emotionally Better First
I ventured out socially only after ensuring I felt good about myself emotionally. The last thing I wanted to do was present myself as vulnerable and needy. That empowered me to shut down new relationships immediately if I sensed they were going down a road I cared not to go down. I encourage you to strengthen your self-esteem before you start engaging again, especially with people you do not know. I have an article about ways empty nesters can heal themselves emotionally. The link is below.
Get a Grip on Your Self-Esteem Before You Venture Out Socially
6. Go To have a Good Time
The next time I made an effort to socialize, something similar happened to me after I had attended an event where I had a good time. Again, I set a plan before I went, and my only goal was to dance to great music and socialize since the pandemic had kept us all locked in.
At the same time, I was also involved in several projects that I needed to focus on, so beyond that, I didn’t have room for too much socialization at the time.
However, I kept receiving far too many messages from an individual and I felt that either they weren’t listening to me when I said I was busy or what I was saying did not matter to them. So, once again, I pulled back.
Friendships should flow and not feel like either party is working too hard to force the friendship. I never do well with that.
7. Know When To Pull Back
I can only deal with a few things at a time, and I have to honor myself by protecting my peace of mind and personal space. Getting out to socialize is going to be by trial and error. But that is the only way we will get to those socially healthy relationships that feel right for us.
Socializing Can Be Mentally Exhausting But Don’t Give Up
I was mentally exhausted after those two situations and wanted to withdraw into a shell. But my children keep pushing me to keep trying to make good friends locally or travel to be with my closest friends upstate. (I relocated a few years ago, so I rarely see my best friends.
Loving The Writer’s Lifestyle
I know my children are correct. But it is even more challenging because I love a writer’s lifestyle. And writing is not a group activity. Besides, the Pandemic took away the desire for much social interaction. I like to choose when to socialize and not feel pressured about it. But at the same time, I must overcome my tendency to isolate.
Travel Groups
My next venture will be to try travel groups. I have always loved to travel. My son barked at the idea of me wanting to travel internationally with people I don’t know. But how will I get to know them if I don’t go?
I have been nursing a long-held desire to spend time in a small French village. I have been to France before, but mainly to Paris and Versailles. I did all the touristy things, but I want to spend at least one full year in a small French village or an Italian villa.
Anyway, back to some strategies empty nesters can use for rebuilding our social lives after our children leave home.
8. Cut The Bullsh*t
Please prepare to feel some discomfort. But as with any new venture, discomfort is normal to a certain degree. And as I mentioned previously, we need to know what we will and will not tolerate. At our age, we can sense bullshit, foolishness, and thirstiness right off the bat immediately. So, don’t play around with that stuff.
9. Start Small
Remember that you must keep trying because facing it head-on is the only way to overcome social anxiety as an empty nester. But start small. Go out alone for breakfast, lunch, or dinner. Sign up for an in-person class at your local community college or arts center. Go to listen to outdoor musicians busking for money. It will give you a chance to support them and enjoy an evening of good music at the same time!
10. Be Aware of How You Show Up
I am not saying you should not acknowledge when you feel lonely. But there’s no need to wear a sign saying, “I am lonely and need friends.” I caution you not to put out loneliness vibes because that is when the vultures will take advantage of you during your time of vulnerability.
We are socializing as empty nesters, which means exposure, whether we see it that way or not. And the world has no shortage of tricksters, con artists, and future-fakers.
In closing, I understand the valid fears of getting out there socially. But all you need to do is put on your armor, go out in confidence, and always have a workable plan. With these strategies, I know you will overcome your social anxiety during these empty nesting years. I wish you all the best.
