Empty Nesters: Go To Sleep
This article discusses a health concern affecting people of all ages, and empty nesters are not exempt. That said, there is a need to drive home the importance of good sleep hygiene for empty nesters because we are prone to staying up all night worrying about our children.
Treat Sleep Like It is a Priority
I have been battling sleep deprivation my entire life. But there were moments in my life when I was particularly aware that I was sleep deprived.
One such time was during my early 20s when I worked and traveled a lot. During those years, I didn’t think getting enough sleep was necessary. If someone had asked me if I thought adequate sleep was important, I would answer in the affirmative. But in everyday practice, I treated it like it wasn’t.
Nocturnal Newborn
The next point of awareness was after I had my first baby because she was a nocturnal child who expected me to be up all night long listening to her talk to me. And she would get mad and start screaming if she sensed I had dozed off.
Averaging 2-3 Hours of Sleep Per Night
Another time was about five years ago when I was working two jobs to get my son through college and help my daughter with some things, and I was driving 400 miles a day and averaging 2-3 hours of sleep per night.
Empty Nesting Years
There are other times, but let’s fast-forward to my empty nesting years. My children are grown and gone, and I am retired, so they think I have no excuse not to clock in 8-9 hours of REM sleep every night. And they stay on me about it. But admittedly, sometimes, I come up short.
Empty Nesters, let’s make adequate sleep a priority.
How Sleep Deprivation Affects Me
1. Like Dominoes
If I am not getting enough sleep regularly, it makes my children worry about me. If I say I was up worrying about them, they tell me they are fine, and I should “go to bed.”
My daughter started talking to me about sleep hygiene when she was away at college, and now she and her brother collaborate to keep me in check about it.
My Childen Ain’t Buying It
To my children, my reasons for not getting enough sleep falls flat, and on my end, it doesn’t feel good that it does. “But you’re retired”, my son tells me. And it dominoes. I lack sleep because I worry about them, which causes them to worry about me. AAH…. I’ve got to do better.
The Ball Is In My Court
It is 100% my responsibility to do all I can to improve my sleep habits. I am a work in progress, and improving my sleep has become my priority since, well…..today. But let me tell you how sleep deprivation adversely affects me and why I must get a handle on it.
2. Lack of Clarity and Cognition
I like to work on crossword puzzles and play other Brain Games. But I find that if I am sleep deprived, even the most basic clue goes over my head. And I have to take a daytime nap to refresh my brain. But sometimes, a nap can disrupt my nighttime rest if I take it too late in the afternoon.
If I Make Poor Decisions
When I am sleepy, I cannot think clearly. And these days, I still have decisions to make for my life. It’s true that now that my children are grown and gone, I don’t have to consider them in every decision. Still, I must think about how every decision will affect me and make meaningful choices.
To a lesser degree, I cannot ignore that my decisions will affect my children because if I make poor decisions, it will pressure them to help me or worry about me. I don’t want that because they have repeatedly expressed that they want me to do well for me.
If Your Children Aren’t Involved
I am aware that some of you have children who are uninvolved in your daily decisions, which I can imagine is painful in and of itself. But even if they don’t express it, I need you to know that your adult children want you to be well.
Trust me when I say that they will do better if you do better. So, I encourage you to develop ways to improve your sleep hygiene primarily for your sake and indirectly for your children and grandchildren because a lack of sleep bears awful physical and mental consequences.
3. A Lack of Sleep Make Me Impulsive
Impulsivity can cause me to spend too much money, speak before listening, or align with unhealthy relationships because I don’t see the “red flags.” And in every case, it causes regret. Then I tell myself, darn, if I had just taken a 20-minute power nap first or were less sleep deprived overall, I would have made better choices. And that is a fact.
4. Inadequate Sleep Makes Me Irritable
It’s a good thing I live alone because when I am sleepy, I have little patience. Sleep deprivation makes it harder for me to handle stressful situations at home, work, or out in the community (such as dealing with long lines in the supermarket). It’s a good thing I live alone because when I am sleep deprived, I am grumpy, and I snap at anything that moves. I might even snap at inanimate objects if I am tired enough! And I know it’s related to sleep deprivation because I am otherwise happy and effervescent.
Let’s Discuss Ways To Improve Sleep Habits
1. Go To Your Bedroom Before You Get Sleepy
I love my bedroom, and I have made changes for mental healthy reasons. I moved my bed to another wall which give me more floor space. I added lots of plants and put up some beautiful wall art. However, one mistake I make is that I often wait until I am so sleepy that I don’t feel like walking up the stairs to go to my bedroom.
One time my son came downstairs to discover that I had dozed on the sofa with the television on.
“What are you doing down here, mother? It would be best if you went upstairs to your bedroom.” I lied and said I was still watching television, but the TV was watching me!
He was right because had I not gone upstairs, I would have awakened with a bad crick in my neck and horrible back pain, and would not have sleep well.
2. Say No To Blue Lights in The Bedroom!
Ever since my daughter left for college, I always slept with my cell phone on my nightstand or bed because I tell myself that if she or my son needed to contact me in the middle o the night, they would get me.
Consider a Landline Phone
I used to have a landline phone, but my friends and family never called me on it for some reason. They all preferred to call me on my mobile phone, so I got rid of my landline phone. Now, I am considering getting a landline phone again for no other reason except that I would not have to have any mobile devices in my bedroom. I must train my children and family to call me on my landline if it’s at night. And it would be worth it.
The Science of Blue Lights and Sleep
It is now scientific proof that those blue lights from our electronic devices keep our brains awake at night even after our bodies are resting.
To quoted Harvard University Medical School, “While light of any kind can suppress the secretion of melatonin, blue light at night does so more powerfully…. The blue light suppressed melatonin for about twice as long as the green light and shifted circadian rhythms by twice as much (3 hours vs. 1.5 hours).”
3. Goodbye Afternoon, Caffeine!
Here I go again. One bad habit begets one bad habit, which begets another bad habit. So, if I am sleep-deprived and write in the afternoon, I would get sleepy. And if I get tired, then I reach for an afternoon brew. And if I go for an afternoon brew, then I won’t be sleepy at a reasonable hour, and I stay up too late, which wakes me up in the middle of the night. YIKES.
So, my remedy is to stick to a regimen of not having coffee after 9 am or removing caffeine from my diet altogether. I didn’t start drinking coffee until I turned 50, anyway, so I know I can do without it if I put my mind to it!
Some Ways To Improve Your Sleep
a. Eliminate Caffeine intake or try not to drink any caffeine after 9 am.
b. Make your bedroom feel cozy.
c. Try to avoid napping in the afternoon.
d. Leave all devices with a blue light out of the bedroom, including a television.
e. Go to bed when you are sleepy. Don’t try to stay up to finish that movie.
f. Exercise at least 30 minutes every day but not too close to bedtime
g. If you are worried about your children, tell yourself that they will be alright and that they will figure out ways to resolve their problems.
h. Remind yourself of all the adverse consequences of sleep deprivation and how you do not want to be that person.
Empty Nesters – We need to go to sleep. Our children will be alright. They will figure things out.
Last Thoughts
Recently, one of my older brothers told me that our father said he and Mama would have worried less about us had they known we would turn out alright. We want to think that we have more to worry about these days than our parents did, but do we?
Let’s Tell Ourselves a Different Story
Sometimes, I have to tell myself, Denise, go to bed. The children are alright. I need to do that more often to improve my sleep habits. Doing that may also help you. Tell yourself a different story about your children than the one you have been telling yourself.
Drowning, Dangling, Being Held Hostage
You know, those stories where you imagine your kid dangling off a bridge somewhere over a lake of alligators? How about the one where you think one of your children is stuck on the side of some remote road in the middle of nowhere without a cellphone service to call for help? My goodness, why do we do these things to ourselves?
I doubt there will ever be a time when we rid ourselves of 100% worry about our children’s well-being, but there are some things we can do to get more sleep. I bid you goodnight and hope you figure out how you will turn a new leaf in your sleep habits.
Now, I want you to go to sleep, for real!
